My final goodbye

So I've sat here for over an hour, trying to figure out how to write this blog so that 1) I can get my feelings out 2) make sure "anonymous" understands that I'm thankful for having them in my life even if it wasn't for a lifetime, and 3) explain that even through the hurt, I trust in God's work in my life. Well I've come to realize that there really isn't an easy way to do that. So instead of trying to connect all the three together and make an amazing blog, I'm just going to get all three of my points out in what ever way they seem to flow.

1) The best way I can figure out how to explain my feelings... is to say that goodbyes stink. Anyone who has ever grown apart from a best friend will understand how I'm feeling. It's hard to finally realize that a friendship is no longer existent, esp when you think of that person, the first thing you think about is all the fun you had with them. But I suppose there comes a time when bestfriends sometimes have different paths in life. There is really nothing you can do about it besides make sure that person knows that you care about them and move on But none the less, I hate goodbyes with a passion!!

2) Dear anonymous; Thank you for always being there for me when I needed a friend. You always knew how to make me feel better. Though I'd come to you with tears in my eyes looking for advice, I usually left with no advice but always a big smile. I could always count on you to turn my day around! I'm sorry that things ended the way they did. I want you to know that even if we aren't best friends anymore, I still care about you and I pray for you often. I thank God for putting you in my life, though I'm sad to see you go. Stay safe while you are away & know that I'm always here.

3) Dear God; Thank you for all the people You put in my life. I know that with every person you add in, there is a lesson (or twenty) to learn. And though things may not work out the way I want them to, it's not about me, it's about You! So even when I'm hard headed and stubborn, I trust that You know when it's time to let a person go. So thank you for allowing "anonymous" to be put into my life and for all the lessons I am able to take away from our friendship.


"I guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm gonna have to cry. And let go of some things I've loved, to get to the other side. I guess it's gonna break me down, like falling when you try to fly. It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, starts with goodbye."

Glory, Honor, Power

I decided that it was time for a change with my blog. I liked the name my friends helped me come up with, but I didn't feel it was very fitting for the things that I often wrote about. My old name was about the military. But I realized that there was maybe one post that I talked about the Navy or deployment.

As the Navy is a huge part in our lives, I realized that there is something greater and bigger in my life! Something that helps me get through on a daily basis.. my relationship with Jesus Christ. So instead of keeping a blog name about my husband's job, I decided to name it after my lifestyle!

"Beautiful and Free,
Song of Galexies,
Reaching far beyond the milky way,
Lets join in with the sound,
C'mon let's sing it out,
As the music of the Universe plays...

We're singing You are Holy,
Great and Mighty,
The Moon and the Stars declare who You are,
I'm so unworthy , but still You love me,
Forever my Heart,
Will sing of how Great You are...

All Glory, Honor, Power is Yours Amen,
All Glory, Honor, Power is Yours Amen,
All Glory, Honor, Power is Yours Forever Amen..."

Half Birthday

So typically when April 18th comes around, I don't feel it necessary to run out and celebrate. I don't ever expect to hear people tell me "Happy half birthday!!" I don't expect a cake or a party, but it's just a date that I always seem to notice because it's half way until my next birthday.

All week, I have been focusing on a certain half birthday that is coming up. Tomorrow, April 29th, is a very special person's half birthday!!

February 16th, 2008, I knew my life was going to be changed forever. I walked into Wal-Mart to look for a certain something that I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to know I was buying. I checked out, hoping no one saw me and rushed home. The drive home seemed to take forever, but I finally got there. I ran up the stairs into the bathroom that I got ready for school in every morning. Opened the box and had to read the instructions! I did my business & sat there waiting. FIVE MINUTES?! Really? Longest five minutes of my life.. until I finally saw it. Two little pink lines!

So many things ran through my head.. What would my mom & dad think? How would we be able to afford a baby? What about college? But those were all things that I knew would be figured out with time. I was undoubtedly nervous, but it didn't take me very long at all to get excited!

I kept my mouth shut because we had a show choir trip a couple weeks later. I didn't want to worry Ryan, and I wanted him to enjoy his time in New York City. So I waited until we got home to break the news to him. We weren't sure how things would all play out, but we couldn't have been more excited to see what out future what going to hold! One thing I thought I was sure of, was that in October, we'd have a sweet little baby to hold!

But our plans were changed late March, when we went to the doctor's. Those dreading two words, which I never expected to hear... "I'm sorry".

Though I may never fully understand, but I'm at peace knowing that Jesus is holding our baby. God blessed us with a little baby. And though we may not have gotten to hold our baby in our arms, we will always hold him/her in our hearts. Not a day goes by when I don't miss my baby, but I know we will see each other one day.

So as tomorrow may be just another day in most people's lives.. it's a very special day for me. Happy 2nd & 1/2 birthday baby. Mommy and Daddy miss you!! <3

"Miss you everyday. Miss you in every way, But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you. We will hold you. You’ll kiss our tears away when we’re home to stay. Can’t wait for the day when we will see you, We will see you. But baby let sweet Jesus hold you ‘till mom and dad can hold you… You’ll just have heaven before we do"

"In the middle of my little mess.."

As I was trying to get ready to head out to Williamsburg for "The Living Passover" practice, I couldn't find my keys, couldn't find my phone. I didn't have a way of finding either besides tearing the house apart. As I was throwing clothes, dog toys, water bottles this way and that way, I found myself complaining about how I'm not organized and how nothing EVER goes my way(oh so dramatic). I finally found them both and rushed out of the door. I found myself speeding down the road to make sure I got to the next light before it turned red and... of course I got stopped at the red light! UGH, seriously?! Can't I get a break JUST THIS ONCE?!

Sitting at that light frustrated, annoyed and ready to just turn around to go home, Francesa Battisetlli came on the radio with her song "This is the Stuff You Use".

"This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use"

Okay, seriously? How perfect!! I often find myself complaining about the little things instead of thanking God for the important things in my life. I, for some reason, would rather let losing my keys and phone turn my day into a mess rather than admitting that I was blessed enough to have both of them (though I had no idea where they were!!). I feel that God was just trying to give me a reminder that I have been so blessed in my life with everything that has been given to me. I have loving and forgiving parents who even at my worst, pick me up, brush me off, give me a hug and tell me that everything will be okay. I have amazing best friends that even when I call to complain, they listen and help me through it. I have an incredible husband who provides for me, takes care of me and loves me unconditionally. I have two dogs and a cat who run up to me and love on me every time I walk in the front door. I have a beautiful apartment that is actually OURS; not my parents, not Ryan's parents.. but our apartment with our stuff! AND, I have a God who is always there for me, never lets me down, and accepts me for who I am, faults and all!!

So what the heck do I have to complain about? So what if I misplace my keys or if I'm two minutes late because I got stopped at a red light? Truth is... sometimes we all need that reminder that I have been truly 100% blessed : )

Soulmate Bestfriends

So I know it's been crazy long since I've written a blog but after a two hour phone call with my best friend (and talking about blogs), I figured that it was time for me to write another post! I feel that I have been struggling to come up with topics to write about since I have given up my "30 day" list of things to write about. But now so many topics seem so obvious.. such as bestfriends! I would not be the person I am today without my bestfriend. That best friend I'm talking about stays with me on the phone for two hours, until we have both vented about anything and everything. She holds some of my deepest, darkest secrets that I would never tell anyone else. But it's more than just having someone to laugh with and tell secrets to. She holds me up when I feel weak and holds my hand when Im scared. She cries with me when I'm sad so that I won't have to be the only one crying. I believe that just as God puts a specific man on this earth to be your soulmate, that He even puts specific people on earth to be your soulmate best friend and I'm so thankful for mine : )

Day 9: Your Beliefs

I'll just start by saying that I believe in God. I believe that He sent His one and only son to Earth to die for our sins. As Relient K says in one of their songs,"It's My way or the highway to Hell!" and I stand behind that 100%. I believe that the only way to go to Heaven is through Christ alone; there is no way around that. I also believe that Heaven is going to be incredible. There will be "No weeping, no hurt or pain; No suffering, You hold me now, You hold me now. No darkness no sick or lame, No hiding You hold me now, You hold me now!" I believe the streets will be made of gold, and we will spend all our time worship Jesus Christ. I believe that all things are possible with God. I know that without God, I would be nothing!!

Day 8: A Moment

There I was, standing on a stage in front of a bunch of people. I was sweating from being so nervous, I know my hands were clammy, my white heels were sticking to the stage. Behind me were two of the most important friends in my life. In front of me.. the man I was going to marry; the one I would spend the rest of my years with, my soul mate.

As I was standing up there, my mind was racing the whole time. What if people saw me fidgeting my legs the whole time? What if some one in my family, or his, didn't approve? What if every one thought we were making a mistake?

Then it occurred to me; why did I care what other people thought? This was my life and my one chance to shine! I knew that if my family, or his, thought we were making a mistake, they would have stopped us from going through with it. They would have mentioned it earlier, and if that were the case, I wouldn't have been standing on that stage on May 23, 2009.

Many people wondered why we would choose to get married so young; R being 20 and me 19. Numerous people asked me when I was due and one woman even rubbed my belly. When I would ask them back, "due for what?", they all looked at me like I was crazy. There was no way I would want to get married to be married, right? There had to be a reason, right? DUH! Of course there was a reason; I loved him and he loved me! We knew we were making the right decision. We didn't expect it to be easy, but we knew there were no other person we'd rather go through life with.

After what seemed like a life time of talking, after being burned with the dripping wax from our unity candle, and after exchanging our rings, Pastor Mark then said, "You may kiss the bride!". I will never be able to explain how I felt at that very moment. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry. I have butterflies worse than ever before. Once I heard, "I now present to you, Mr & Mrs A!!", I knew that I had made the perfect decision. I never felt so happy in my entire life.

I thank God for blessing my life with R every day. Even though he isn't here all the time, I know he will always be there for me, through thick and thin. I look forward to seeing all the great things God has for us in our future!
I love you R forever and always