"Getting into You.."

So as I sat here asking my friends what to write about in my first blog, they all told me to write about my feelings. But I had no idea where to even start; I have so many feelings about so many different things. As I wondered what I should write about, Relient K played in the background & the song "Getting Into You" came on.

"When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God, somebody said
Do you know what you are getting yourself into"

I was not raised in church but as a 17 year old, I was ready to learn all I could. When I finally decided that I wanted to live for God, I was verbally attacked by someone who I thought would be in my life for a long time, someone I trusted with even some of my deepest secrets. To hear someone you care about be so strongly against a decision you want to make really makes you reconsider. It was a very confusing time for me but I knew that I was being called to serve Him- so I felt that I had no choice but to let go of one of my best friends at the time.

This is just one of the many struggles I had to get overcome. I was confused how people could call themselves a Christian but then go party, drink, have sex. I found myself in a relationship with a guy who seemed to really care about God & his relationship with Him. I was thrilled to have found a guy that would be able to help me learn & teach me things. During a night out with him, I found myself in a situation I was not ready to be in, something I did not know I could handle. My will power was not strong enough to refuse the peer pressure I was under. For the next couple weeks, I was more confused than ever. I figured that if my boyfriend was a Christian but still getting away with this that it must not be that bad. Boy was I wrong. When I got home one night, I cried like a baby; I had finally realized that I had gone against what God wanted for me & it was something I could not take back.

Matthew 7:20-21 says "you will know them by their fruit". The true evidence of being born again is not by what you say but by how you live. For the next couples month, I just went on living my life, not striving for a relationship with Christ. I only went to church because I thought it would make me a better Christian. I did not live by His word; I did things I'm not proud of. I continuously called myself a Christian but I was not living the Christian lifestyle.

May 23, 2009, I married the man of my dreams, the one person that God put on this earth just for me! R has had his struggles too but he has taught me so much about living for God. We would go to church every Sunday that he did not have to be at work; Sundays that he did have duty, I went alone. I ended up going by myself a lot because my husband is in the US Navy & he has to do his duty of going out to sea often. But I never cared that I had to go alone, I was eager to learn. In June 2009, during a Parachute Band concert, they played a song called "Rain". When the lyrics "Living rain, fall again, Over my life over my land. Living rain wash my heart again" came on, I broke down in tears. Being surrounded by hundreds of people serving God, was one of the most powerful things I have ever felt in my LIFE! I needed Him & I now had no doubt. When the band invited people to the front of the auditorium who wanted to ask Christ to be their Lord & Savior, I found myself walking right up to the front. In my mind I kept saying "How did I get here? I don't remember getting out of my seat or getting past all the people in the row I was sitting in!" The most important thing was that I was on my way, in front of hundreds of strangers, to stand up for myself & say that I was ready!

Since that day, I have been working on my relationship day in & day out. I still have my struggles but it is AMAZING how God will put you right where you need to be, whether it in a situation where you are being tested by a best friend, in a place you aren't ready to be in to see if you will stand up for yourself or in front of hundreds of people accepting Him to be the leader in my life. And as I sometimes feel that I regret decisions I have made, I know they are what have gotten me to this point in my life. I will not spend my time dwelling on those events but instead I will praise God for getting me through them & getting me to the point in my life where I can honestly say that I AM A CHRISTIAN!